Out of the Echo Chamber
Why church politics gets better when we buy each other lunch.
For many elders, Presbytery and GA meetings can easily feel less like courts of the Lord Jesus Christ and more like arenas of political maneuver.
When leaders have to vote on hard questions about what the church believes or how it should be run, things get tricky. Because these leaders don’t work together every day in the same local churches, they are separated by distance. To make matters worse, most of our group texts and online chat rooms are filled only with people who already agree with us—creating little “echo chambers” where we only hear our own opinions.
If we aren’t careful, this distance causes big problems. We stop looking at other church leaders as real brothers in Christ. Instead, we start treating them like symbols of an opposing team. To keep the church peaceful and healthy, we have to understand why this is dangerous and remember how much things change when we actually get close to each other.
During church debates, disagreements over rules and ideas naturally split people into different sides. It is right and necessary for elders to hold deep, principled convictions on these matters. The danger doesn’t always lie in the disagreement itself, but often in how we perceive those who stand on the opposite side of the aisle.
When we view an opponent from far away, our minds try to simplify things. We start labeling people, putting them into neat political boxes, and guessing how they will vote. If a leader brings up a rule change, we assume he is just trying to block progress. If another leader argues for strict rules, we assume he is rigid and uncaring.
We do this because it makes us feel less anxious. If we can convince ourselves that the other side is just playing politics, we don’t have to do the hard work of actually listening to them. We can dismiss their ideas by dismissing them as people.
This is exactly how regular, everyday politics works. People tear down their opponents and try to win at all costs. When we objectify our fellow elders, treating them as structural problems to be managed or voting blocks to be overcome, we damage the church. We substitute political strategy for pastoral discernment, and in doing so, we grieve the Holy Spirit who binds us together.
Everything changes when leaders decide to break through the distance and get close to one another. The regular experience of connectional life demonstrates that emotional regulation and theological perspective are restored the moment we sit across a table from those with whom we disagree.
When a presbyter purposefully steps out of his comfort zone to spend time with those from the “other side,” the bad pictures we built in our heads start to melt away. Sharing a meal or a drink, hearing another leader pray for his home church, or listening to him talk about his hard days completely changes how we feel about our disagreements.
Getting close doesn’t mean our differences magically disappear. It doesn’t mean we give up on what we believe is true. Good rules and clear theology still matter. What changes is our emotional reactivity.
Sitting face-to-face allows us to see another leader’s opinion simply as his opinion—the honest choice of a regular, well-meaning servant trying to solve a tough church problem. It stops us from viewing their ideas as a dangerous threat to the whole church. It lowers the heat in the room. When we see that the other person genuinely loves God and cares for people, we stop being paranoid that every disagreement is an attack on the faith.
Chasing after these friendships isn’t just a clever trick to fix arguments or make meetings run faster. It is a promise we made to God and to each other when we became elders. As such, we are uniquely tied together by a shared confession of faith and a mutual commitment to the government of the church.
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1–3)
This command requires us to trust each other. Secular bureaucracy functions through suspicion, policy manipulation, and the raw exercise of majority power. But a church family relies on the idea that our brothers are acting in good faith, even when they come to different conclusions than we do.
When distance is allowed to breed suspicion, church courts become exhausting places to be. Spending all your energy playing politics (guarding your back, counting votes, and treating every debate like a war) burns you out. It leaves us tired and bitter.
Choosing to talk face-to-face (or even sending friendly texts) makes our church work much simpler. Loving the people who disagree with us makes the job easier. It frees our hearts from the stress of trying to protect our own interests. We no longer feel the frantic need to control every single vote. Instead, we can speak honestly, listen humbly, and leave the future of the church in God’s hands.
In the end, a presbytery characterized by love shows the world that the Gospel is real. It proves to a broken, divided world that the church can handle intense disagreements without splintering into warring tribes.
When leaders refuse to treat each other like enemies, God’s wisdom shines. We show that our church is run by following Jesus Christ, not by political games. By stepping across the room, listening with true humility, and choosing to love the actual people God put around us, we honor our promises. The heavy workload gets lighter, the meetings do what they are supposed to do, and the peace of Christ is put on display for everyone to see.
Action Items:
Change Your Group Texts: Take a look at your phone. If your church-related group texts are only filled with friends who think exactly like you, it’s time to branch out. Reach out to an elder from a different “side” and start a friendly, casual text conversation just to check in on them.
Buy Lunch for Someone on the “Other Side”: At General Assembly, don’t just eat with your usual group of friends. Invite an elder who disagrees with you on church rules out for coffee or a meal. Make a rule for the lunch: no talking about church politics or upcoming votes. Just ask them about their family, their home church, and how you can pray for them.
Restate Their Argument Honestly: Before you stand up to argue against someone’s idea in a meeting, try this exercise: see if you can explain their point of view so perfectly and kindly that they would smile and say, “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean!” If you have to make them sound silly or mean to win the argument, you aren’t really listening yet.
Pray for Your Opponents by Name: Pick two or three elders who usually vote opposite you and put them on your personal prayer list. Every week, ask God to protect their families, bless their local churches, and give them joy in their ministry. It is almost impossible to treat someone like an enemy when you are genuinely asking God to bless them.