Marriage, Worship, and the Public Witness of the Church
It may surprise some people that the PCA’s Book of Church Order places its chapter on marriage in the Directory for Worship. After all, the solemnization of marriage is not one of the stated elements of ordinary Lord’s Day worship. We do not gather every week for preaching, prayer, sacraments, singing, offerings, and marriage vows.
Still, it is fitting that marriage appears here.
A wedding is not exactly the same thing as the public worship of the gathered church on the Lord’s Day. We should probably be careful before treating it as though it were. For example, baptisms and the Lord’s Supper would be inappropriate for a wedding service. A wedding is not simply a regular worship service with nicer clothes and more flowers.
And yet, a Christian wedding is not a private party either. It is a solemn occasion before God. Scripture is read. Prayers are offered. Instruction is given. Vows are made in the presence of witnesses. A minister of the gospel presides. The name of God is invoked. The couple enters a covenantal relationship that God Himself instituted.
So perhaps we should say it this way: marriage is not an ordinary element of public worship, but the solemnization of marriage is an act that belongs under the church’s moral and pastoral care.
Marriage Is a Divine Institution, Not a Sacrament
BCO 59 begins, “Marriage is a divine institution, though not a sacrament, nor peculiar to the Church of Christ.”
First, marriage is a divine institution. Marriage comes from God. It reaches back to the earliest chapters of Scripture, before the fall, before Israel, before the church, before the nations as we know them. God made man male and female. God brought the woman to the man. God joined them together. That means marriage is not ours to redefine because we receive it from the Lord.
Second, marriage is not a sacrament. Christ has given His church two sacraments: baptism and the Lord’s Supper. Marriage is good. Marriage is holy. Marriage is ordained by God. But marriage is not a sacrament.
If marriage were a sacrament, then the unmarried would be excluded from something essential to ordinary Christian discipleship. But that is not the case. A single Christian is not a second-class Christian. An unmarried believer is not missing a sacrament. Marriage is a good gift, but it is not a means of grace in the same category as baptism and the Lord’s Supper.
Third, marriage is not peculiar to the Church. Christians are not the only people who can be married. Marriage belongs to mankind, not merely to the visible church. A husband and wife who were married before they were converted do not need to be “remarried” after they become Christians. Their marriage was real before. It is now to be lived unto the Lord in a new way.
This also explains why civil society has a proper interest in marriage. BCO 59 says that “every commonwealth” may make laws to regulate marriage for the good of society, and citizens are bound to obey those laws insofar as they do not transgress the laws of God.
Marriage is not merely a church matter. It concerns inheritance, children, households, public order, legal responsibility, and the welfare of society. At the same time, the state does not have ultimate authority over marriage. God does. Civil laws must be obeyed unless they require disobedience to God.
That distinction is increasingly important in our day. There may be arrangements that civil law calls “marriage” which the church does not recognize as marriage. But that does not mean Christians should invent secret “ecclesiastical marriages” while refusing lawful civil recognition for ordinary marriages. We are not free to play games with vows, households, benefits, or legal duties. Christians should walk honorably before both God and man.
Christians Should Marry in the Lord
BCO 59-2 says, “Christians should marry in the Lord.”
A Christian should marry a Christian. Marriage is the most intimate earthly relationship. A husband and wife share a household, a bed, a name, a life, and children. How can a believer deliberately enter that covenant with someone who does not share allegiance to Christ?
Scripture gives counsel for those who are already married when one spouse is converted and the other is not. But when a Christian is seeking marriage, the matter is clear: marry in the Lord.
This is one reason the church’s pastoral care before marriage is so important. BCO 59 says it is fitting that marriage be solemnized by a lawful minister, with special instruction and suitable prayers. In ordinary language, we are talking about premarital counseling, pastoral oversight, and a wedding ceremony that includes Christian instruction and prayer.
A wedding is not the time for a five-week sermon series. But it is a time for the minister to speak truthfully about what marriage is. He should not merely offer sentimental reflections on love. He should speak of God’s design, covenant faithfulness, the duties of husband and wife, the seriousness of vows, and the grace needed to keep them.
The prayers matter too. A Christian couple does not enter marriage self-sufficiently. They need the blessing of God. They need the help of the Spirit. They need grace to forgive, patience to endure, humility to repent, and love that is more than mood or romance. The church prays because marriage is too serious to begin without asking God’s help.
One Man and One Woman
BCO 59-3 is the only constitutional part of the chapter: “Marriage is only to be between one man and one woman, in accordance with the Word of God. Therefore ministers in the Presbyterian Church in America who solemnize marriages shall only solemnize marriages between one man and one woman.”
God made one man and one woman and joined them together. If God had intended marriage to be something else, He could have made more than one Eve for Adam or more than one Adam for Eve. But He did not. The pattern is one man and one woman, joined in a covenantal union.
This excludes same-sex unions. It also excludes polygamy. It excludes any arrangement that departs from God’s design of one man and one woman united as husband and wife.
Marriage Requires Wisdom, Consent, and Care
BCO 59-4 says that the parties should be of such years of discretion as to be capable of making their own choice. If they are underage or live with their parents, parental consent should be obtained and certified to the minister before he proceeds.
In one sense, this is ordinary prudence. A minister should not be careless. He should not marry people without asking questions. Are they legally able to marry? Are they already married? Are there parental or guardianship issues? Are there circumstances that would make the marriage unlawful or unwise?
Premarital counseling should not merely be a formality. It is not just a few sessions to talk about communication and finances, though those things matter. It is a time for the minister to understand the couple’s situation. Are they believers? Are they free to marry? Are they entering marriage honestly? Are there hidden complications that need to be brought into the light?
BCO 59-5 adds that parents should neither compel their children to marry contrary to their inclinations nor deny consent without just and important reasons. This assumes something that our culture often neglects: parents matter.
No, parents may not force a child into marriage. Marriage requires real consent. A man and woman must enter the covenant freely. Forced marriage is not Christian marriage. But the other side is also important. Parents should not withhold blessing capriciously, selfishly, or manipulatively. If there are just and important reasons for concern, they should speak. But parents should not make marriage harder for their children simply because of personal preferences, family pride, or unreasonable expectations.
This is especially relevant for Christian families. Marriage should not be treated as a purely individual decision detached from family, church, and counsel. A young man and woman may be the ones getting married, but they are not the only ones affected. Families are joined. Households are shaped. Future children are impacted. Congregations are often involved.
Parents should therefore cultivate the kind of relationship with their children where counsel about marriage can be given and received with trust. Children should seek wisdom before engagement, not merely approval after all decisions have already been made.
Marriage Is Public
BCO 59-6 begins with one of the most important sentences in the chapter: “Marriage is of a public nature.”
This is countercultural. We tend to privatize marriage. We speak as though marriage is mainly about personal fulfillment, romantic feeling, and individual choice. But BCO 59 identifies three public interests in marriage: “the welfare of civil society, the happiness of families, and the credit of Christianity.”
First, the welfare of civil society is interested in marriage. Marriage is the first society God formed in the garden. Before there was a city, a nation, or a court, there was a husband and wife. Strong marriages form stable households. Stable households strengthen communities. The breakdown of marriage never remains private. It spills outward into neighborhoods, schools, churches, economies, and generations.
Second, the happiness of families is interested in marriage. This does not mean every marriage is automatically happy. Sin brings misery into homes. But when a husband and wife live together in love, faithfulness, forgiveness, and order, there is a kind of peace that blesses the whole household. Children flourish where father and mother are faithful to one another. Extended families rejoice when marriages are healthy. The home becomes a place of refuge rather than turmoil.
Third, the credit of Christianity is interested in marriage. Christian marriage says something about the Christian faith. Our marriages either adorn the doctrine we confess or bring reproach upon it.
This is especially clear from Ephesians 5, where Paul speaks of marriage as a picture of Christ and the church. A husband’s love is meant to reflect Christ’s sacrificial care. A wife’s respect is meant to reflect the church’s glad reception of Christ’s loving headship. No marriage does this perfectly. But every Christian marriage is supposed to tell the truth about the gospel.
That means a bad Christian marriage can lie about Christ. Harsh husbands lie about Christ. Bitter wives lie about the church. Adultery lies about covenant faithfulness. Divorce without biblical grounds lies about steadfast love. Manipulation, neglect, cruelty, and selfishness all distort the picture.
But a faithful Christian marriage, even an imperfect one full of repentance and forgiveness, commends the gospel. It says, “Christ loves His bride. Christ keeps covenant. Christ forgives. Christ sanctifies. Christ does not abandon His own.”
Ministers Must Be Careful
Because marriage is public, BCO 59 tells ministers to be careful. The purpose of marriage should be sufficiently published beforehand. Ministers must obey the laws of the community unless those laws transgress God’s law. They must be assured that no just objections lie against the marriage.
Some of this may sound old-fashioned. In earlier times, marriages were often publicly announced in the church for several weeks beforehand so that any lawful objections could be raised. Today, the details may look different. But the principle remains: ministers should not be careless about weddings.
A minister is not a religious event vendor. He is not merely there to add dignity to a ceremony. If he solemnizes a marriage, he has responsibility before God. He should know what he is doing. He should not knowingly participate in deceit, illegality, or folly. He should not help people evade proper obligations. He should not ignore serious impediments.
Keeping Records
The chapter ends with a brief instruction that the minister should keep a proper register of the names of all persons he marries and the time of their marriage.
This may seem like a strange note. Today, civil governments keep marriage records. County courthouses and state offices maintain certificates and licenses. But historically, churches often served as major record-keepers for births, baptisms, marriages, and deaths. Family histories were traced through church records.
Even now, the principle is useful. Ministers and churches should keep good records. Baptisms, marriages, membership, discipline, and other acts of church life should not be handled casually. Good records serve families. They serve the church. They serve future generations.
There is also a broader lesson here: the church’s acts matter. When vows are made, when baptisms are administered, when members are received, when marriages are solemnized, these are not disposable moments. They become part of the visible story of Christ’s church in a particular place.
Marriage Before God
BCO 59 is not a long chapter, but it gives us a sober and pastoral view of marriage.
Our world is confused about marriage because it is confused about God, creation, the body, covenant, sacrifice, authority, love, and permanence. The church must therefore do more than win arguments about marriage. We must bear witness to the goodness of God’s design.
We need marriages that show something of Christ and His church. We need husbands who love sacrificially, wives who respect sincerely, parents who counsel wisely, ministers who shepherd carefully, and congregations that honor marriage without idolizing it.
So when Christians marry, they should do so in the Lord, before God, with prayer, counsel, reverence, and joy. And when the church solemnizes marriage, she should remember that she is not merely hosting a ceremony. She is bearing witness to the God who made us male and female, who joins husband and wife together, and who has given marriage to display something far greater than itself: the covenant love of Christ for His bride.